I'm 21 going on 12.
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He’s so much like her. Whiny-er, though, and his ears are floppy right now. And he humps when he gets excited. And he is very vocal when he’s playing. So I guess he’s really not all that much like her. But sometimes, he does something exactly like she would have. Cocks his head when I make weird noises, and lately he’s taken to lying on my center console when I drive with him. I didn’t even show him, he just did it on his own.
Maybe I’m seeing things that aren’t there, but he’s so amazing. I love him so much.
Have you ever had someone say something about you that can cut straight down to the core? Sometimes it’s because you really care what they think, but other times it’s just because they know you well.
I hope you’re happy, I really do. I’ve always wanted the best for you. I don’t think you hope the same for me. I don’t know if you’re still upset about what happened but I still hold that I made the right choice for both of us.
But sometimes, late at night or when I’m alone, I think about things that you’ve said about me. Things that you’ve said online, and things you’ve had the audacity to say to MY friends about me. And in that moment I hope you never find happiness. I hope that when you lay at home at night, all comfy in your bed (maybe with the dog that you’ve raised oh so perfectly), that you hear those small voices in your head. The ones that remind you of every hateful, spiteful thing you’ve ever said. I hope that those voices never relent, that your conscience is never clear. I hope you hear your own words repeated back at you, and I hope you feel regret. I hope you think of every time you used a threat of suicide as manipulation. I hope you think of every lie that you’ve told, maybe some you believe yourself. And I hope it never stops.
I want you to be happy, I do. But I never want you to forget every awful thing you did.
Not that you’ll ever admit any of it. Everything always was and always will be my fault.